


Who We Really Are

by H2OGIRL48



Category: PAW Patrol
Genre: Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 02:05:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3363722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H2OGIRL48/pseuds/H2OGIRL48
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marshall is facing his own demons while the other pups find out they are have their own issues to face, Ryder tries his best to handle everything. It will take a while but this will eventually be a MarshallxSkye story. Don't like it don't read it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

           At this moment Marshall was in the lookouts backyard, on the way to the small lake, where the ducks and geese would swim. Seconds before he had just messed up training with the other pups, yet again. Like he always he just said he was okay and told a joke to which everyone laughed and continued.

        That's what always happens. But it was all just a cover, the joking, the oblivious attitude, not caring whether a pup would tease him about it, everything. Inside he loved his friends, family, job and life, but he didn't think he deserved any of it.

       He sat along the side of the lake alone trying to think clearly. _(His Thoughts) "Why am I such an idiotic klutz"_ was the common question roaming through his head. He continued to think _"Your getting worse you know that"._ That was his inner voice that always made him feel horrible, inferior, just plain useless. _"They'd be better off without you"-"You'll always be a runt"-"They're laughing AT you right now",_ the worst question, that no matter what did it always came up, was _"Why are you even alive?"_.

      Tears began to form in his eyes that dripped down his cheeks as he began to whimper. _"Now you're crying, it's obvious Ryder would rather have the other pups instead of some crybaby",_ the voice rang again and again. This happened all the time, even before he joined the team, he just accepted it was all true.

      Marshall looked around, the pups were still training while Ryder watched, for the moment no one could see him. Then he took a deep breath and extracted his claws from both his paws. Brushing off some of his fur on his front legs, revealing his past actions. Scars lined his pinkish skin, some older than others, and some already healed over.

      He knew that what he was doing was bad and dangerous, but it just made him feel better in a strange way. He used his claws to puncture his skin in an even line. Ruby liquid leaked through and down to his arms, he was about to continue to the other arm until a certain cockapoo came over.

     "Marshall what are you doing?" she asked in her usual happy nature, which he envied. His eyes shot open and he immediately dunked his arms into the water to hide his cuts. "Oh, I was a little tired so I just wanted to sit down for a little while", he said rapidly. She looked down at his paws that were hidden in the water, a thin circle of red surrounded them, she looked back at him curiously.

       "On the way here I accidentally stepped in strawberry jelly", he lied. Marshall didn't like a lot of things, but he hated lying he just didn't have a choice. "Silly Marshall" she stated, she honestly didn't know how he got into these situations, but she thought it was adorable. "Come on, we're going to the park to relax, you coming" she asked "Sure go ahead, I'll catch up" he said and she obeyed. The second he was out of view he removed hi paws from the water, he noticed he was bleeding more than usual, but cleaned it off and covered it up and went to follow Skye.

      **(Park)** Zuma, Rubble and Rocky were playing tag, Skye was on the slide and Chase was playing tug of war with Marshall. The spotted dalmatian tried as best he could to hold on, but he just let go. "Come on Marshall you usually do better than that" Chase stated. "I'm just tired" he said as his legs started to wobble.

      "You okay buddy?" Chase said worryingly, "Maybe you should lay down" he touched his clumsy friends shoulder. "No, I'm fine" he said trying to balance himself. His eyes blurred, his heartbeat speed up and every part of him felt stiff. "Marshall you don't look-" Chase didn't get to finish his sentence because his friend collapsed.

     "Marshall buddy what's wrong?" he said. Marshall didn't respond, then noticed his front legs were bleeding excessively. He was so scared, he howled signaling for the others to come. "Oh my gosh, Marshall!" Skye exclaimed "What happened to him" Rocky shouted. "Pups, why are screa- "he suddenly gasped looking at his pup. "I don't know why he fainted Ryder" Chase said on the verge of crying.

      He picked up his pup, the blood streaming down his limbs to the ground as he did. He needed to stop the bleeding, wrapping Marshall in his signature jacket. "Come on pups, we're going to Katie's" Ryder commanded. The K-9's were scared to death but they followed.

      **(20 min later)** Katie was working on the injured pups in the back while, his teammates sat anxiously. Ryder was pacing back and forth trying to calm himself. "I hope he'll be OK" Skye said "Don't worry he'll be fine" Rocky comforted "Yeah, he's a fighter" Rubble said fiddling with his paws. Katie came out and was nearly trampled by the worried bunch. "How is he?" Ryder asked "He'll be just fine" Katie said half heartedly.

       The little pups finally released a breath relaxing, while Ryder was about to walk into Marshalls room to see him. "Wait" Katie said interrupting "I have else something to tell you, and it's not good" Ryder looked at her in a desperate glare and the pups waited curiously for her to say what it is.


	2. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings have to come out. Will one revelation tear the PAW patrol apart.

         "What do you mean, Katie?" Ryder asked. She sighed "Marshall is resting right now, so we should talk here" then she motioned for all them to sit down, which they did. She started to speak "Do you know how he got hurt" she asked hoping she wouldn't have to break the news. "He probably just fell again, right" Ryder said, slightly confused. "No, that's not what happened" she stated, "Then what?" All the pups yelled.

      She looked down at them, they looked back with those big puppy eyes. They were all so young and it just made telling them a lot harder. "Please Katie, I need to know" Ryder pleaded, now he was making it worse , "This is gonna crush him" she thought. "Marshall did this to himself on purpose" she spat. "What!" the pups screamed in unison, they didn't understand how he could do this. Ryder on the other hand said "How do you know?", it took a little bit to process this.

      "While I looked over his cuts I noticed that they were even lines and the way they were shaped matched his own claws" she answered slowly. "I don't understand, I know Marshall and he would never do this" Ryder proclaimed in utter disbelief. She went on to explain. "After I stopped the bleeding I brushed away some of his fur to stitch him back up and I noticed he had more cuts. Unfortunately he's been doing this for a long time. Guessing on how they've healed, he's been cutting himself for..... months".

      It was hard for her to say that without tearing up. She loved all the pups almost as much as Ryder and now one of them was in trouble. She felt her eyes water at the sight of their devastated looks "I'll go check on him" she said before leaving the room. " 'Wyder' why would he do this?" Zuma finally spoke up. Ryder didn't respond, he just sat there looking up at the ceiling in gut wrenching distress. The pups all hopped onto Ryder and snuggled up with him as an act of comfort.

     He squeezed them as hard as he could and said "Sometimes when people are depressed they try to hurt themselves" in a sheepish tone. "But, but Marshalls always happy" said Chase "Why is he so sad?" Rocky said agreeing like. "I don't know " said their leader while they gave him another hug. "This has been happening for months and we had know idea" Skye said in a melancholy whimper.

     "Ryder can I talk to you" Katie said interrupting their grief, "Pups you can go see him now" Katie finished. The group of pups to a look at Ryder then proceeded to go to his room. "I know you're going through a lot Ryder but-" she started to say. He surprised her by pulling her into a hug. She held him while he gently cried into her shoulder.

     "I'm a horrible owner, my own pup was suicidal and I didn't even know" Ryder said. She broke his grip slightly and looked him in the eye. "Marshall has serious problems and NONE of us knew because he hid it and I'm not sure , but now we do and we have to help him or he might do worse". She proclaimed honestly. Ryder just realized that he might have as far as ending his own life. "I don't what to do Katie" he said still on the edge of crying. "Luckily I might know someone who can" she reassuringly stated.


	3. Reactions

**(Marshalls room at Katies)** "How are you pal?" Rocky said trying desperately to sound normal. At this moment Marshall was laying on a covered metal table. His arms were bandaged like casts to stop him from biting or hurting himself any further. Next to him was a bowl of OJ and some dog biscuits to keep his energy up.

      He was now awake and able to speak, but still drowsy. For now he didn't know that they knew his dark little secret. His friends surrounded him trying to strike up a conversation. "You gave us quite a scare dude" Zuma spoke up "Yeah I mean, you just can't resist getting herself injured" Chase said. "It's like my super power" Marshall joked, his soft tone making it more upsetting. The pups quietly laughed. While the awkward conversation kept going Skye wasn't doing such a great job pretending everything was normal.

     While Marshall was about to say another joke, about his bandaged, she couldn't take it anymore. "Will all of you just SHUT UP this isn't funny!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. She shocked herself she never had trouble keeping her feelings under control.They looked at her as if she was some kind of three- headed serpent. She ran out, "Skye wait-" Marshall started trying to get up but he groaned painfully still feeling to weak to stand up right.In any way she was gone and the others decided she should cool off on her own.

      **(Back with Ryder and Kate)** "You do, who?" Ryder asked still teary eyed. They sat down while she continued to explain. "My aunt, her name is Caroline, she's a psychiatrist and been thinking of moving to Adventure Bay for while and now she has a reason" she offered, she was certain it was a good idea but Ryder's look showed otherwise. "I don't know" he answered.

      **(Ryder's thoughts)** "Could this really help him"-"If he wouldn't talk to me, could some stranger help". He was lost in his thoughts, addressing the pros and cons of getting help from here, Katie knew him all too well. She could tell if he was angry or sad, if he needed to talk or be alone and now she could tell he was majorly conflicted.

      "She's the sweetest woman you'll ever meet and since the space next to my vet is empty, her getting an office won't be an issue. Don't worry she won't push Marshall into saying anything and you can go with him" she finished. She gave him a look he just couldn't so no to. Her eyes sparkled, while her lip curled into a small smile then she'd tilt her head while her blonde locks fell to one shoulder. If he wasn't so distraught he'd think she was cute. "If you think it'll help then I'm game" he said finally smiling. She nearly cheered "I'll call her right now" she squealed.

     She left to find her cell until she heard light crying. Walking toward the sounds and out the back door she found Skye in a wreck. "Hey Skye you okay?" That was an obvious question. She just nodded "No" with her eyes puffed and bloodshot. "Come on" Katie said before pulling her own her lap and petting her head. "What's happening is shocking and we all have to be strong-" Katie tried to lecture. "I thought I knew him" Skye interjected "And now I'm so confused, what if he's doing this because he hates us or he tries again and dies or-" reality hit her like a ton of bricks and she couldn't continue.

      Katie couldn't bear this anymore she lifted Skye off and held her at eye level. "Skye I've never seen you like this, you're a confident and heartfelt pup and it's okay to be vulnerable at times but right now Marshall needs all of us including you". She sniffled a few times, wiped her eyes, and took a deep breath. "I'll try" she said going back to see him.

      "Good girl and now I have a call to make." Katie said rushing back inside. "Just be strong, Don't cry. Just be strong, Don't cry." Skye repeated in her head over and over before re-entering the room. Marshall was still laying there on the table, his eyes were shut, "He must be sleeping" she thought. Everyone seemed to have left, no doubt to console Ryder and they were alone. She watched him for a little bit seeing how peaceful he was, his chest rising and falling soundly, made this whole situation a bit better for her.

      "I'm sorry Marshall" she whispered under her breath, surprisingly she got a response. He yawned "Don't be" he said as if he'd been awake this whole time. She jumped and yelped in shock but regained herself almost immediately. "We all lose ourselves once in a while" he said philosophically "You don't have to be strong all the time". She sighed, sometimes it's so easy to talk to him. She was about to actually speak when everyone spilled into the room.

      "Marshall we need to talk" Ryder said sternly". He hid behind his paws, true they didn't mention that they knew but he had a feeling that's where this was going "You know, don't you". Katie spoke "Yes and we want to-" she began "Leave me" Marshall finished in a cold tone."No Marshall we could never leave you" Chase said sternly "We're all a family" Rubble added he still hid himself. "Look my aunt is a psychiatrist who agreed to come in a couple of days and help you" Katie said he still didn't reply, he felt embarrassed that they recommended a shrink as if he was nuts.

       Ryder walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him. "If you can't do this for yourself at least do it for us". He looked up stealing a glance at each and every one of his loved ones. "Okay, what happens now?" he replied. "Now you start talking" Chase pressed. Marshall went on to explain the little voice in his head, how he feels inadequate and useless. How he every time he would cut himself it hurt, but he felt he deserved some type of punishment. And also drove home that he deeply loved them all, but it would be hard to stop. When he finished they enveloped one another in a group hug.


End file.
